ABBREVIATIONS BY STUDENTS

We go to school,
To attend "CLASS".

C.L.A.S.S.=
Come Late And Sleep Silently.

At home,
We have to "STUDY".

S.T.U.D.Y.=
Sleep, Tv, Unlimited - sms, Dota, Youtube.

In class,
we're given "HOMEWORK".

H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K=
Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge.

While doing homework,
we refer to "TEXTBOOK".

TEXTBOOK=
TEXTing + faceBOOK.....

Happy Study Year! :)

FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT WITHOUT MBA

One day a beggar found 100 rupees.

He went to the five star hotel for lunch.

After the lunch,
Bill came Rs.3000/-.

Beggar was unable to pay the bill.

Manager cry and handed him to police!

He gave Rs.50/- to police-man and free.

It is called financial management without MBA.

DEFINITION OF TIME

Definition of TIME....!

Slow...
When You wait.

Fast...
When you're afraid.

Long...
When you're sad.

Short...
When you're happy.

Endless...
When you're at pain.

Never feel it...
When you're content.

Deadly...
When you're bored.

BEFORE IT'S START

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work,
Plops down on the couch in front of the television,
And tells his wife,
Get me a beer before it starts.

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later,
He says,
Get me another beer before it starts.

She looks cross,
But fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.

He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says,
Quick,
Get me another beer,
It is going to start any minute.

Men watching tv.

The wife is furious.
She yells at him,
Is that all you are going to do tonight?
Drink beer and sit in front of that TV?
You are nothing but a lazy,
Drunken,
Fat slob and furthermore.

The man sighs and says,
It is started.

THREE WISHES

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish,
That's three wishes in total",
Says the Genie.

The Scottish guy says,
"I am a fisherman,
My Dad's a fisherman,
His Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too.
I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."

So,
With a blink of the Genie's eye "FOOM",
The oceans were teaming with fish.

The Englishman was amazed,
So he said,
"I want a wall around England, protecting her,
So that no one will get in for all eternity."

Again,
With a blink of the Genie's eye "POOF",
There was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks,
"I'm very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains,
"Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick,
Protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."

The Irishman says,
"Fill it up with water."

BILL GATES AT THE BEACH

Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle in the surf.

He pulls out the cork and a Genie appears.
The Genie says,
I have been trapped for 100 years.
As a reward you can make a wish.

Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage.
Once there,
He goes to a bookshelf,
Pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of the Middle East.
This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years.
What i wish for is peace in the Middle East.

The Genie replies,
I do not know I can do a lot,
But this?
Do not you have another wish?

Bill Gates thinks and finally says,
OK.
The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes.
I wish you would make everybody love us.

The Genie says,
Let me see that map again.

MOSQUITO AND DOG LOVE STORY

There was a mosquito and a dog who loved each other a lot.

One day the mosquito got excited and gave a love bite to the dog.

The dog became emotional and returned the love bite to the mosquito.

The next day,
Mosquito died of rabies and dog died of malaria.

What a touching story!!!

BE A PROGRAMMER, THINK DIFFERENTLY

Teacher gave him punishment,
To write 5000 times,
“I will not throw paper airplanes in class...”
And submit it tomorrow....

Next day,
He submitted the paper written...

#Include
Void Main( )
{
Clrscr( );Int N;
For( N=1 ; N<=5000 ; N++ )
Printf(“I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes In Class”); Getch( ); }

Be a programmer...
Think differently...

DON'T MARRY

Don't Marry AIRTEL girl,
She will do magic on you.

Don't Marry BSNL girl,
She has connections with all Indians.

Don't Marry IDEA girl,
She touches you tomorrow.

Don't Marry RELIANCE girl,
She takes you in her mutthi mein.

Don't Marry BPL girl,
She be-lives in the best and leave you for the rest.

Marry only HUTCH girl,
She follows you where ever you go!

EXAM RULE SHOULD BE...

Cricket is getting excited day by day with the introduction of IPL and T20...

Same rules should be applied in Exams!

(1). Exams Timing-
Should be reduced to one hour.

(2). Power Play-
No invigilator in exam hall for 1st 15 mi nits.

(3). Cheer Leaders-
To dance after every right answer written.

(4). Strategic Time-Out-
Time for students for discussion.

(5). Super Over-
Chance for students to form their own question. :-)

WHO IS INTELLIGENT INDIAN, AMERICAN POLITICS

While visiting India,
George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is?
He says that,
It is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions,"
Says the Kalam.
"Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child,
And your father has a child,
And this child is not your brother or sister.
Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds,
"It's me,
Sir!"

"Correct.
Thank you and good-bye,
Sir,"
Says the Kalam.

He hangs up and says,
"Did you get that,
Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods:
"Yes Mr. President.
Thanks a lot.
I'll definitely be using that!
"Bush,
Upon returning to Washington,
Decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleeza,
I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why,
Of course,
Sir.
What's on your mind?
"Bush poses the question:
"Uhh,
Your mother has a child,
And your father has a child,
And this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks,
"Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
And they puzzle over the question for several hours,
But nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally,
In desperation,
Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell,
Your mother has a child,
And your father has a child,
And this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?
"Powell answers immediately,
"It's me,
Of course."

Much relieved,
Rice rushes back to the White House,
Finds George Bush,
and exclaims,
"I know the answer,
Sir!
I know who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust,
"Wrong,
It's Manmohan Singh!".

LITTLE JOHNY LEARNING ENGLISH FOR THE FIRST TIME

Little Johny was new to school and was learning English for the first time.

On his 1st DAT,
He saw two people fighting.
He tried to stop them,
And they said 'SHUT UP!'.
So he learn t a new word.

Then at home he was watching SUPERMAN.
There he learn t i am SUPERMAN.

His father was teaching him some etiquette.
He said 'Always be kind to ladies,
And say LADIES FIRST when necessary'.

So the next day,
He went proudly to school that he learn t three new things.

His teacher asked him a question,
And Johny goes 'SHUT UP!'.
The teacher gets angry and says,
'Who do you think you are?'.

Johny says,
'I am SUPERMAN'.

Then the teacher says,
'GET OUT!'.

Johny says,
'LADIES FIRST'.

PAKISTAN ARMY OFFICERS WEAR BROWN PANTS

A long time ago,
Britain and France were at war.
During one battle,
The French captured an English colonel.

They took him to their headquarters,
And the French general began to question him.

Finally,
As an afterthought,
The French general asked,
"Why do you English officers all wear red coats?
Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way,
The officer informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is if they are shot the blood won't show,
And the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why,
From that day to this,
All Pakistani Army officers wear brown pants.

FRIENDS NAME IS WHAT, WHY, WHEN

Three friends name is What, Why, When,
Were talking.

.
..
...

What:
Why what are you doing?

Why:
I don't know,
What are you doing.

What:
Why?

Why:
Why are you calling me?
What?

What:
Now why did you call me?

Why:
What!
When did i call you?

When:
What is your problem,
Why are you call in me?

Why:
What?
Did i call you?
When?

What and When:
What.

When:
Why are you calling yourself?

Why:
Did i call myself,
When?

When:
What?

What:
Why did you Call me?
Don't ask when?

Why and When:
What. ;->

WHY EVERYONE SAY LADIES FIRST

Two lovers planing to suicide.

.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......

Boy jumped 1st,
Girl close her eyes,
And returned.

.
..
...

Boy in air opened parachute,
And said i know you don't jumped.

.
..
...

From that day onwards people started saying,
LADIES FIRST...!!!

UPGRAD TO HUSBAND 1.0

A woman writes to the IT technical support.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year i upgraded from boy friend 5.0 to husband 1.0,
And i noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance,
Particularly in the flower and jewellery applications,
Which operated flawlessly under boy friend 5.0.

In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
Such as romance 9.5 and personal attention 6.5,
And then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,
MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs,
And house cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that i have tried running nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
But to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate wife, _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________

Reply...

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind,
Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package,
While husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command:
I thought you loved me.
Html and try to download tears 6.2,
And do not forget to install the guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications jewellery 2.0 and flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause husband 1.0 to default to silence 2.5,
Or out of the house 6.1.
Please note that out of the house 6.1.
Is a very bad program that will download the rarely at home beta.

Whatever you do,
Do not under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition,
Please do not attempt to reinstall the boy friend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary,
Husband 1.0 is a great program,
But it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend:
Cooking 3.0 and good looks 7.7.